you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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