So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
