Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
