I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
as a side note pls kill me
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