I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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