and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
