yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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