I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
