Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
