i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
