Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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