he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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