i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
