I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
