SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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