either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
