Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
