I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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