i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize