dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
