Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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