Swine flu. Run for my life!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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