Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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