He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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