You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
