i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
