What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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