Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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