Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
