Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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