Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
