sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i came on her dog
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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