The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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