Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
