I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
