I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
