He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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