i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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