Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize