I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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