i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
