I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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