Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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