He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
