i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
