I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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