if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
