I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
