Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
