I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
me + whiskey = a bad person
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize