they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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