Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize