Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
