I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize