dude i'm inner monologue high
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
