You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
