Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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