I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
