Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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