I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
