I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
