you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
