Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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