apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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