haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
