i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
