My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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