we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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